Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My Dog is about gone - my God, when are the losses going to stop?

We figure Jazz must be as least 10 years old, I can't remember the exact year we got her. She was only five weeks old and it was January. When we were potty training her, we had to look close for her in the snow. She's white and was tiny her whole life. The vet said she was the smallest toy poodle she ever saw that wasn't a teacup poodle.

At her best, Jazz weighed five pounds. She now weighs three. She's only been ill that we know of since last weekend but by the looks of the tumors throughout her, its been much longer than that. She has been somewhat sluggish the last few years and appeared stiff at times but we still thought of her as a puppy because she was so small and still had that puppy attitude.

My son cares for her because I can't have her here. Last weekend he noticed she appeared painful and her uterus was prolapsing. After many vet calls, they made an appointment for Tuesday to get her fixed. It turned into something far worse.

She's on pain medication but I'm not sure it's working. She's in Indiana and I'm here in Southeastern Michigan. After a brief talk with my son, she's going to be here soon. Hopefully tonight.

Why is it quilts are the first thing that is thought of when someone or something is ill? My favorite robe is pink minky and tonight I cut it up for a quilt for Jazz. It was her favorite too when she visited. Now it will be used as a dying quilt I'm afraid.

My hope is that I can have at least a few days with her before the end. It would be nice to have many more but it isn't going to happen.

My God this hurts. I knew it would come someday and that it would probably be soon because of her age. I didn't expect it to come this soon or this fast.

Lord, help me!

I suppose one of the reasons I'm taking it so hard is that I bought her after my Mother died. My husband and a sister had died recently also and she was my way of still giving and getting love.

Perhaps there is a little unresolved grief here for family as well.

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